DIARIES, WRITINGS & THOUGHTS
WRITINGS OF PINA | "The Earth Has Shaken"
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Temporal ellipsis.
In the early stages of my awakening, I remember that the very first sentence I said was: "I can not breathe. … I can not breathe." They explained to me that it was normal, the stretcher bearers I remember. They told me and they explained to me that I was waking up from a general anesthesia. Then, one of the first things I was taught beyond my condition was that...
The Earth had shaken. The Earth shook.
Loving Myself
Through the years, experiences, chapters, and so much more, often lived from the inside and kept long or forever inside, very innerly, I am a specialist in building sarcophagi, I have a lot, and more and more, doubt of being loved, being able to be loved, truly, appreciated, valued, truly, considered, truly, fully, whose with also a true care, a true concern, that people, I've seen, I see, more than once : can have and give for others, theirs other others or another one, also, that mattered or that matters more, differently. Always, with a true concern. That you can feel, analyse, determine, compare, and let. Because it's better.
Also, you know, I know that through the years, experiences, chapters, and more: I often have felt and wondered and kept wondering how possible that I could still have, again, that feeling and impression.
That feeling and that impression that I can be, often, it seems :the one that you leave, in a way or another, or believe that she will perfectly handle it, the “it” to handle that can variously depend. All of this, by herself. Because she is different. She's got both that something extremely strong but and also : vulberable, you know too yes. But she is strong. She has that something strong. And maybe, it is not that “bankable”, to be of that kind of cocktail, in fact. I do not know. Also, then what ? What else ?
Well, what I know, is that : in the same time, through these years and else things, chapters, experiences (Granny soul Pina), there is another feeling that I felt, increasing more and more, withing myself : loving myself.
Loving myself deeply.
My “Phoenix Blanket”
Talk needed.
Talk waited for.
Talk had.
I’ve said goodbye, thankfully and peacefully.
Needed too. Done.
Good & beautiful souls.
Now, time of the rest for everyone.
For me, it is with my “Phoenix Blanket”.
Resilience, Being Yourself & Sharing
And in sharing, there is also reciprocity, exchange, transmission, support.So, THANK YOU, thank you in particular to all those who believe in these values too, in these realities too, and who notably also believe in the uniqueness and rich singularity of Pina, rather than breaking it and her, damaging it and her and destroying it and her, or to confine her and preventing her from being herself.
Also, I think... Wherever it is, here, elsewhere, that great minds meet, yes.
Not always, not only, not all.
But yes, great (and beautiful) minds and spirits meet.
Let me drown in my coffee or in my tears.
Let me drown in my coffee or in my tears. Sometimes, with my eyes still newly wet again, these words come to me. Between others.2022 is a year of drought in so many places and at the same time, this same year, my eyes and tear glands continue to shed so many tears regularly.
This sky, this city … Places that speak to us without us always really understanding why.
This morning I came across this picture on my Instagram feed.
A photo, all at once: of a city that I know, and of an Instagram account that I also know, since, without necessarily interacting with its owner, I have been following it for a while now.
Every morning, every day and every season of the year, a photo of this location and view in the city is posted.
This morning again, I let myself be dazzled.
This sky, this city.
My body : “ Body & Stress ”
Recently, I have shared on Instagram, especially in my feed of stories, a series of some new and recent self-portraits of me.
On these self-portraits are especially featured and appearing some body marks.
Well, they were and they are, definitely, both the inspiration and the subject of this series of self-portraits. And probably, of some others to come.
I have introduced and shared these self-portraits under the title : “ Body & Stress ”.
“ Body & Stress ” which should also become and be the title of a new permanent series of my portfolio, on my website, in its fold already devoted more widely to my various kind of self-portraits.
