Loving Myself

Through the years, experiences, chapters, and so much more, often lived from the inside and kept long or forever inside, very innerly, I am a specialist in building sarcophagi, I have a lot, and more and more, doubt of being loved, being able to be loved, truly, appreciated, valued, truly, considered, truly, fully, whose with also a true care, a true concern, that people, I've seen, I see, more than once : can have and give for others, theirs other others or another one, also, that mattered or that matters more, differently. Always, with a true concern. That you can feel, analyse, determine, compare, and let. Because it's better.

Also, you know, I know that through the years, experiences, chapters, and more: I often have felt and wondered and kept wondering how possible that I could still have, again, that feeling and impression.
That feeling and that impression that I can be, often, it seems :the one that you leave, in a way or another, or believe that she will perfectly handle it, the “it” to handle that can variously depend. All of this, by herself. Because she is different. She's got both that something extremely strong but and also : vulnerable, you know too yes. But she is strong. She has that something strong. And maybe, it is not that “bankable”, to be of that kind of cocktail, in fact. I do not know. Also, then what ? What else ?

Well, what I know, is that : in the same time, through these years and else things, chapters, experiences (Granny soul Pina), there is another feeling that I felt, increasing more and more, withing myself : loving myself.

Loving myself deeply.

Loving myself, because I know more than anyone else, the girl, the woman and the person that I am, that I have been, that I try to be and always be, for me, and for, and with the others.

Highly sensitive, often and variously weakened, because of doubts, fears, pains, past traumas, past or still present damages, various and true permanent struggles too dealing with various points of self-confidence, but … still and always, a bit more : so strong, so brave, so classy, so cool.
I guess that this is also part of my signature.
A strengh of another level.

A strengh not that easy to live with, even when you are its owner, but a strengh that makes you so much, and that takes a place and a role, so strong and so needed, in particular, when you precisely feel it :particularly needed.
Even if you are not sure that it will be or could be needed that much :in any way, you feel it there, here, ready, for, with and within you.

Then, how could I live without this combo of sensivity, vulnerability and strengh ?
How could I still be the one that I am ?
The one that I LOVE and will always LOVE, I hope.

Pina